After watching the sad display of how immature professional
baseball players can be over the weekend with the Colby Lewis butt hurt
complaining about Colby Rasmus’s bunt in the 5th inning of a 2-0 game, I was reminded of how much the "unwritten rules" annoyed me. I decided that if they ever were left behind in the 1950's where they mattered, I wouldn't be mad. However, his temper tantrum made
me think… What would I do if I had the power to rule over baseball? Good
question, Corbett. Darn good question.
First, I’d kick the DH out. Yes, I absolutely hate the DH
position. What’s that? You can’t field? Well try out being a hitting coach and
get out of my league or suck it up. If you are making over $15,000,000 and
can’t field a position (looking at you, David Ortiz), then I don’t want you in
my league anyway. This may sound cruel, but I don’t care. You are a
professional and you should at least be able to play each side with enough
skill to not be a noticeable handicap to your team. Another reason I hate the
DH is because it takes the bat out of the pitchers hands. I like seeing
pitchers hit for two main reasons: 1) seeing a pitcher get a hit is a beautiful
sight. Should they hit a homerun, I want to run to the field and high five them
myself. A pitcher getting a hit is the equivalent of a bench player draining a
3 pointer in the final seconds of a basketball game. It pumps everyone up. 2) Pitchers
will think about it a little more before deciding to bean everyone. Things
change when you have to go step into that box yourself and I think all of the
pitchers will be a bit more cautious when they’re about to head into the line
of fire.
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| This bomb made me beyond giddy. We need more of this. |
Second, I’m putting an end to the “fights” that take place.
I put quotations around fights because they usually consist of grown men
circling up and screaming at each other to show how manly they are. People
don’t shell out their hard earned money to watch these idiots circle up and
yell, so I’m ending it. I’m going to steal the policy from the NBA. You leave
the bench, you’re getting suspended and/or fined. When you start taking away a
player’s source of income, they’re going to feel it and it’ll likely tone them
down. If it doesn’t, I’ll keep upping the fines until they pay me to play in
the MLB. If you leave the bench, you get the aforementioned fine and/or
suspension. If you throw a punch, you can take a year off. You are here to play
a game and if you can’t do that without having to fight, I don’t need you.
Next, I’m going to fix the steroid problem, should it still
exist. If you fail one test, you are allowed an appeals hearing to explain why
it is in your system. Aside from a medical reason, you are suspended for a
year. Should the player be dumb enough to get caught twice, it’s a lifetime
ban. If you break the rules, I’m going to make it hurt. Also, once you fail a
drug test, you are going to suffer for it in the future. I would implement a
salary cap on steroid users. If you get caught, the max you can sign for is
half of your highest year ever salary. It’s tough to set an exact number for
this, so I thought half their max deal seemed to be fair enough. The only
problem I could see with this would be that teams could load up on cheaters for
an inexpensive roster. However, if they want to serve a year suspension and
lose out on multiple millions, they are an idiot and teams can feel free to
stock up on all of the idiots they please.
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My final change will be minor in comparison to the first
three. I would adjust the playoffs by rewarding the success of win/loss record
by seeding teams according to their actual record. Currently, the two best
records in the American League are held by the Athletics and the Angels. However, the Angels would have to play a one
game playoff to get to the divisional series. Something about this irks me. In
my method, you still have the three division winners and two wild card teams
in, but you will base their seeds off of win/loss for all five (basically, OAK
and LA would be #1 and #2 rather than #1 and #4). There is always one team that
is in because they were in a terrible division and it annoys me. Now they will
have to earn the right to play in the divisional series.
These are just a few that came to my mind. Be careful not to
give me too much power or I’ll abuse it. Have any ideas for what you would do
if you were the commish or thoughts/feelings about my changes? I may listen…
All my love,
Your ruler (err I mean commissioner), @corbeeeech
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